Soon Wei | Documenting Life

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Posted by on August 28, 2010 0 comments

Fill me with meaningful content!

Brittle and knackered. The crime at the gym left a scene of of great defeat for me tonight. Raging sweats over muscle activation, cleaned my washed up look back to military moments. I’ve finally lifted weights again and it felt good. I had a workout that took the life out of me and I felt completely out of it. The focus just wasn’t there, the mind was churning out more excuses than determination but I’m glad we covered a circuit and while the trying process may have broke me but honestly, I’m sitting here write now writing this, after a good meal, and a shower, I must say that I do feel good. The weights in my heart & mind has been lifted up a tad makes sleeping a lot more peaceful. The good sense of tiredness will hopefully lead to longer hours of proper rest. I’ve been having bouts of getting up once every 4 – 5 hours. A snap, and I’m up. Light sleeper? Nah, subconsciously I think the body and mind may not just want to rest. Perhaps the heart is still fighting for its cause. But prayerfully, I hope tonight will be a peaceful one. If not, I may resort to a glass of wine the night after with the exact same combination.

I don’t think I’m going for balance anymore but achieving congruence in what I do. So the weights are going to get stacked and I’m going to climb that mountain, bit by bit, till I get myself to the top once again.

Only this time, I come injured, burdened and with life experience. Fragile? Perhaps. Handle with care. Why not?

To achieve is to realize you have it in you to do it.

Liberated

Posted by on July 28, 2010 0 comments

I must say that it wasn’t easy when I decided to take the plunge. It had it’s fair share of ups and downs and I then wrote a one liner that would best describe it all:

Life is full of ups and downs with many roundabouts. #life

How’s the journey so far? I can only say that I’m still going and I’ve seen some great moments taking place yet very humbling ones. As for the silver linings, it’s really what we make out of it. I’m thankful at times, I get better clarity for things that matter most to me. It gives me a sense of momentary peace to be honest. I long for the everlasting one though. Something as picturesque as this:

Those times will come in many forms. But recently I felt more liberated than most other times. Again, thankful. Maybe it’s because I decided to re-enter again. Re-enter a lot of things that I kept it at bay or on a side bench for sometime now. The act of trying to engage once again gives me a sense of liberation and while all the edges are still rough, I’m taking heart and consideration for a brave attempt nonetheless.

I wrote again another one liner saying this:

Every morning, I have a choice to make a difference #life

Which led me to find this little Don’t Quit reminder on my colleague’s desk which best sums up the entirety of the last few months and probably the coming years too.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is odd with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re the hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst, that you must not quit

Hello.

Posted by on July 25, 2010 9 comments

Hello. It’s really just that. To say hello. If you happen to still come by and visit, could you just say, “Hello” too. It’ll be nice to just hear from you, you and yea, you too.

I’ve been away but have not forgotten. If you must know, the sabbatical has served it’s time. I’m coming back. See you end August for real. Or maybe even earlier than that, just like tonight.

The Retreat

Posted by on February 3, 2010 8 comments

In the last 4 weeks, I have felt the most discomfort that I could possibly imagine. I only wish it was my doing alone.

Put together with lower back injury that has been showing slow signs of progress, not to mention a second fall to top it off, I really thought I was in it for the hell hole.

I’ve lost too much weight in the last 4 weeks.

Today, I had a saving grace, with the MRI results. I am bloody lucky and thankful. Although I have a peace of mind, I can’t deny the pain that I am still going through.

I need to focus on recovering and resting in plenty of areas. And come back stronger. Case in point, it may be a slap from the big man up there saying, “it’s time to rest, it’s time to let go. No more pushing yourself”

I reply with a tone of surrender, “okay”

My body is showing signs of spasms, and singing unrest, the lack of quality sleep is greatly affecting my recovery. Not long before I become a train wreck if I’m not careful.

There’s also too much going on out there that needs my attention, the landscape has changed significantly in the last year. New roles & responsibilities, new direction with strict gearing, it seems endless.

And I am beginning with an injured posture. I won’t finish the race well this way.

With that, I have decided to stop writing on this domain. I still love writing, but just not here anymore. I need to focus on myself: recover, rest, and get well and come back stronger.

Enough of outpouring, it’s time to think for myself (for once). And, that’s what I’m gonna do.

It’s always hard to say goodbye.

Delete.

Posted by on January 22, 2010 0 comments

Accessories For The Plot

Posted by on January 19, 2010 1 comment

While I may have named my first home project 299A: The First Abode, I’m on the path to the second entitled The Plot. Here are some confirmed accessories for upcoming furnishings ahead.

(Haruki Oak Table)

(Mandarin Chair – Modern Classic)

The First Abode went with a more resort like cozy home feel, I’m attempting The Plot with a modern contemporary touch with zen fabric. I hope it turns out well. I was pleased with the The First Abode. Who knows, I might get pretty good at this and may become a new interest of mine over time.

(The First Abode – which I’m looking out to rent)

How Many Kings

Posted by on January 18, 2010 0 comments

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iSivQmzJ_w[/youtube]

How Many Kings

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliness hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we’ve waited for?

Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
It’s who we’ve waited for

How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me

All for me
All for you
All for me
All for you

How Many Kings Lyrics- DOWNHERE Song words

Single Song Words by Artist / Band : DOWNHERE
Lyrics Title : How Many Kings
Taken from Album : -
Single Released : 2007
Music Genre : Christian rock

:: The raw beauty of love, unmasked, pure and eternal.

The Fruit Of Life

Posted by on January 18, 2010 0 comments

Bittersweet on the inside thorny on the out. Actually, I just feel like having some.

Broken

Posted by on January 18, 2010 1 comment

January hasn’t been the greatest start for me since the uninvited injury that came two weeks ago. What more with residue spillovers from the neighboring year. As the cursor blinks and I try much to pen my thoughts down, I find myself coming in and out of thorough reflections. There is just so much happening within me, around me and in the world at present. Breaking news of disasters whether man made or otherwise, the presence of mortality is so evident before us.

I am unsure if the injury is a blessing or my road to recovery permits a silver lining at the end of the day. I am aware of this though, I had to slow things down a lot. My mobility has been hampered to a point it has descended me to being very frustrated at some points. I find myself needing to rest and lie down so that the body may stretch out the affected tightness areas. Frankly, I’m not very used to that. The pace I meant. I am fine with taking a holiday and getting good rest when great work is done. Not this start and stop symphony, where momentum building is practically a funeral at best. I am trying my best to manage this.

I guess the first, is to accept my condition and situation. While treatment has been great relief and munching on Celebrex has been a safety pill, these tools are quickly running out on me. I really just want to get up and start running again. But the stairs humbles me every single time. There is something about walking down stairs with a lower back injury. For example, while I was taking a call at my parent’s home yesterday, thinking to myself while walking down the stairs and listening attentively to the phone conversations, it wasn’t as if there was a step I missed, just as I landed on the platform, there was this triggering pain that sent shocks up and through (or however it may travel) to my lower back that made me scream in continuous agony. I couldn’t retaliate other than collapsing forward and thought to myself, “what in the world just happened?”. The receiver on the other end got the brunt of the vocals as I grunted away.

It made me surrender immediately and the need to lie down again. To recharge as if the indicator of pain made known who’s the boss.
(To think I wanted to head back to the gym starting tomorrow. Perhaps my open mind in this scenario had my brains falling out.)

My life situation with the work and moving out didn’t give me much liberty to be still. I had to do some personal carrying and paid the price along the way. Now, I just motivate people to move things for me. I had to travel to different locations and sites for viewing and management purposes, where car traveling seems to be the most popular choice. So the act of getting in and out of the car continues to add stress and compress my lower back. So walking become an alternative, standing up become a choice although it meant I was looking down on others during a meeting. Literally. A walk in the park one evening became a great humility lesson for me. Every step taken was measured and calculated. Taking many breaks along the way, pacing my journey and trying to enjoy some of it. I didn’t realize the amount one can see or appreciate when you take time to focus the stuff around you. I mean, it’s not like I was going anywhere much faster anyway. It made me feel very vulnerable and appreciative about life.

And, after many weeks in that frustration, this became a comfort balm when I read this:

I have discovered that patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. Joyce Meyer

I also enjoyed Z’s sharing on another definition of another definition of patience ala henri nouwen:

“Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.”

My patience is wearing thin for a lot things, some rooted much deeper than what I have written here. But I wait, for the unknown. I do hope, that at end of it all, I will have good attitude, and that hidden treasure I may find, may be good and I can stand firm appreciating it.